Today when I got home and went into my room and cried, really cried. Cried for the first time since I got here. Cried because I can't understand anyone, and because they don't understand me no matter what language I'm speaking, because I miss my cats and my mom, I miss my bed, because I miss my stupid pink room, and being able to sleep till 9. I miss being able to communicate with people on a basic level, I miss not living out of a suitcase sitting on the floor that I have to fit my clothes all perfectly back into at the end of the month, not have to carry around a dictionary everywhere I go. I cried because I'm scared as hell, and I'm so mad at myself for doing this. Why the hell did I think I could do this? I have no idea. I have the constant fear that I unknowingly offended someone, or that I got on the wrong bus, or knocked on the wrong door. I cried because I have no idea what day it even is, much less what time it is. I cried because I got what I wanted...something completely foreign. I got my escape and now I want nothing more than to go back home and curl into a ball on my bed.
This is ridiculous. I know I can't wallow in self pity because it's not going to get me anywhere but at the same time how else are you supposed to cope with not understanding a damn thing around you?
Red Eyed Alien